Baby Separation Anxiety Guide

A baby who cries when mom or dad leaves. Separation anxiety is a normal part of development.

What Is Separation Anxiety?

It's the fear and anxiety babies feel when separated from their primary caregiver. It's actually a healthy sign that your baby has formed an attachment.

When Does It Happen?

• 6-8 months: Begins (along with stranger anxiety)
• 10-18 months: Peaks
• After 2 years: Gradually decreases
• Around 3 years: Mostly resolved

Every baby's timing and intensity is different. Starting early or lasting longer is still normal.

Signs of Separation Anxiety

• Crying when mom/dad is out of sight
• Following parent to rooms they can't see
• Wanting to go to the bathroom with you
• Wariness and rejection of strangers
• Needing to be near parent to fall asleep
• Refusing to go to daycare/preschool

Why Does It Happen?

Cognitive Development

• Object permanence: Knows things exist even when not visible
• But doesn't yet understand that you'll come back
• "Mom disappeared" = anxiety, fear

Attachment Formation

• Strong bond formed with primary caregiver
• Parent = secure base
• Feels anxious when away from that base

How to Handle Separation Anxiety

Basic Principles

• Acknowledge: "I know you don't want to be apart"
• Consistency: Always use the same approach
• Practice with short separations first
• Keep promises: "I'll be back" = come back

When Leaving Briefly

• Say goodbye: Don't sneak away
• "Mom's going to the bathroom, be right back"
• Keep goodbyes short and clear
• Greet warmly when you return

Peek-a-Boo Games

• Practice disappearing and reappearing
• "Where's mommy?" = "Peek-a-boo!"
• Hide and seek is also effective
• Helps learn that you come back

What to Avoid

• Sneaking away: Increases distrust
• Long goodbyes: Amplifies anxiety
• Getting emotional: If parent is anxious, baby is too
• Forcing: "Don't cry," "Be brave"

Daycare Adjustment

Adjustment Period

• 1-2 weeks: Start with short times
• Begin with 1-2 hours
• Gradually increase time
• Usually takes 2-4 weeks

Drop-Off Tips

• Arrive at a consistent time
• Send familiar items (stuffed animal, blanket)
• Keep goodbyes short and cheerful
• "Mommy will pick you up after lunch" - be specific
• Pick up at exactly the promised time

After Pickup

• Plenty of physical affection
• "I missed you" - tell them
• Talk about daycare positively
• Provide security at home

Nighttime Separation Anxiety

• Bedtime routine: Follow consistent steps
• Lovey/comfort object: Something to hold instead
• "See you in the morning" goodbye
• Leave door slightly open (if needed)
• If they wake at night, brief comfort then back to sleep

When to Seek Professional Help

• Severe separation anxiety continues after age 3
• Significant interference with daily life
• Physical symptoms (stomachaches, headaches, vomiting)
• Other developmental concerns
• When parenting stress becomes overwhelming

Final Thoughts

Separation anxiety is proof that your baby loves you. It's hard, but it naturally gets better with time.

With consistent attitude and plenty of love, you can turn your baby's anxiety into security.